What is my only comfort in life and in death?
That I am not my Own, but belong body and soul, in life and in death to my faithful Savior Jesus Christ. He has fully paid for all my sins with his precious blood, and has set me free from the tyranny of the devil. He also watches over me in such a way that not a hair can fall from my head without the will of my Father in heaven: in fact, all things must work together for my salvation. Because I belong to him, Christ, by his Holy Spirit, assures me of eternal life and makes me wholeheartedly willing and ready from now on to live for him.
For
the past few years, the Lord has been re-ordering my life. There were
things I said I would never do – live in the South (done that), be
a secretary (done that). There were things I thought I could control
– my fertility, my time.
Proverbs
16:9 says, “In
his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.”
Or in other words, “Life happens while you're making other plans.”
I
believe I am like most of my peers. I like to plan ahead. But God
doesn't give us a view of the future. And if He did I'm sure I would
try to change the areas in which God wants me to grow.
When
my children were two and three a friend invited me to Bible Study
Fellowship. After a year I was asked to be a children's leader in the
childrens department. I asked a lot of people what they thought I
should do. Surely I must have enough to do raising two preschoolers
without being asked to teach other people's preschoolers. It seemed
God was telling me to stop asking people what I should do. Then God
reminded me of the interchange between Jesus and Peter who asked
whether John would remain alive and Jesus' reply “What is that to
you? You must follow me.”
I
prayed for a month and still didn't know what the answer was. Then at
Tuesday Bible study we were reading in D. Martin Lloyd-Jones' book
“Studies in the Sermon on the Mount.” And the words “the man
who hungers and thirsts after righteousness is the man who never
misses an opportunity of being in those certain places where people
seem to find this righteousness. And then, of course, he seeks the
society of people who have this righteousness.” When I walked into
BSF then next day I saw the assistant childrens supervisor and felt
the Lord was telling me that if I hungered and thirsted after
righteousness, this was the person to spend time with. Then I knew my
answer.
Since
then I have been so blessed. The women I have met have challenged and
encouraged me. My life has been so much richer because of that “Yes”.
A little over a year ago I felt the Lord wanted me to do something
different but not outside of BSF. When the teaching leader called to
ask me to be an assistant childrens supervisor I knew the answer was
yes.
Almost
every year there is a theme for my times of growth. The year we moved
back from Georgia the theme was “God is GOD!” Consequently
wherever He told us to go we should go.
The
years of infertility and miscarriages where the years I learned that
“Control is an illusion.” We cannot really control anything. A
loving and faithful God controls it because he is sovereign and all
the days of my life are numbered already. And He has a plan for me to
give me a future and a hope.
The
year my father died the theme was “The seed is never wasted.” I
had given up praying for my father years ago because I doubted a
heart like that could be turned to the Lord. I didn't know that my
father was in the last year of his earthly life. But my Heavenly
Father knew and he prepared me by convicting me for not praying for
my father. My father died within 3 days of hitting his head and I
don't know whether he is with the Lord, but I do know that my
Heavenly Father is sovereign and am grateful I had the opportunity to
be faithfully praying and witnessing.
In
big and small ways the Lord goes before us. This summer our cat had
to visit the vet about a week after our garage sale. Things were
tight because of extra expenses. But we made $96.50 at the sale and a
few days later sold a piece of furniture for $100. My Heavenly Father
knows what I need before I ask. Our vet bill was $196.91.
A
month ago we met a Bulgarian student who was selling books in Tacoma
for the summer. We liked him and enjoyed his company. And we bought a
couple of books. A couple of weeks ago he called because the person
who was gong to drive him to make his deliveries of books could not
make it and it was the night before the books were to be picked up
and delivered. Uncharacteristically the things I had to do by Tuesday
were done the night before he called and I was free to help him out.
The children and I made deliveries with him in the afternoon. We had
him over for dinner in the evenings and Mike took him for deliveries
at night. We estimated we spent about $75 in gas. But my Father in
Heaven knows what I need before I ask and an unexpected reimbursement
check arrived that week for $78.
God
is showing me that He is faithful to provide what we need when we are
asked to help others. This summer I walked into the wrong bank branch
to turn in a safe deposit box key and ended up talking to the right
banker who facilitated a nice refinancing on our home saving us a
nice little sum of money. A month after the refinance we had an
urgent need in our extended family which a month before would have
been difficult to take care of, but which was able to be paid for the
same day because my Heavenly Father knew what we needed before we
asked and providentially connected me with the right banker that day
a couple of months before.
Along
the way, God brings to mind hymns of encouragement. Hymns like “It
is well with my soul” come to mind when I have experience a loss.
Especially the loss of my first baby inutero. When my grandmother
died it was “For all the Saints”. When my father passed away, God
brought the hymn “Father, I know that all my life is portioned out
for me.”
The
past few weeks have been exhausting and overwhelming. And I'm just
taking one day at a time. My sister-in-law suffered a bleeding stroke
7 weeks ago and should have died but didn't and miraculously she is
back home. My brother-in-law has been encouraged by Paul's words “I
can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” And I have
taken that verse too as my theme.
The
challenges of parents getting older and children still in the home
make me cry out to the Lord. And two hymns are giving encouragement
to me these days: How firm a foundation” and “O God, Our Help in
Ages Past.”
How
firm a foundation, ye saints of the Lord,
Is laid for your faith in His excellent word!
What more can He say than to you He hath said—
To you who for refuge to Jesus have fled? .
Is laid for your faith in His excellent word!
What more can He say than to you He hath said—
To you who for refuge to Jesus have fled? .
“Fear
not, I am with thee, oh, be not dismayed,
For I am thy God, and will still give thee aid;
I’ll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,
Upheld by My gracious, omnipotent hand.
For I am thy God, and will still give thee aid;
I’ll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand,
Upheld by My gracious, omnipotent hand.
“When
through the deep waters I call thee to go,
The rivers of sorrow shall not overflow;
For I will be with thee thy trouble to bless,
And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.
The rivers of sorrow shall not overflow;
For I will be with thee thy trouble to bless,
And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress.
“When
through fiery trials thy pathway shall lie,
My grace, all-sufficient, shall be thy supply;
The flame shall not harm thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine.
My grace, all-sufficient, shall be thy supply;
The flame shall not harm thee; I only design
Thy dross to consume and thy gold to refine.
“The
soul that on Jesus doth lean for repose,
I will not, I will not, desert to his foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I’ll never, no never, no never forsake.”
I will not, I will not, desert to his foes;
That soul, though all hell should endeavor to shake,
I’ll never, no never, no never forsake.”
Our hope for years to come,
Our shelter from the stormy blast,
And our eternal home.
Under the shadow of Thy throne
Thy saints have dwelt secure;
Sufficient is Thine arm alone,
And our defense is sure.
A thousand ages in Thy sight
Are like an evening gone;
Short as the watch that ends the night
Before the rising sun.
Time, like an ever rolling stream,
Bears all its sons away;
They fly, forgotten, as a dream
Dies at the opening day.
Our God, our help in ages past,
Our hope for years to come,
Be Thou our guard while troubles last,
And our eternal home.
